Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize