I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
