this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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