....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
