I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
tell me about the eggs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
