dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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