can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
