babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think my moral compass just broke
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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