U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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