we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
