but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
