Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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