Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
