um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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