You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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