Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
