a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
