you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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