im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
