Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
