YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
