me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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