yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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