took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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