He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
