Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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