i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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