Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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