Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
