Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
