if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
