I am puke
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
