Cold hands, warm shart.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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