i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize