I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
