i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
