they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
