maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
