can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
