I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
