if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
