my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
