You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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