Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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