I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
