my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
