the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
