My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm always down for nudity.
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