wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.