In the future we'll all be gay
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?