i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.