I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know