Define "chronic" masturbator.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So vagazzling was a success
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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