Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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