I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
