I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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