Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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