he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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