thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
