i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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