the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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