I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
