"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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