dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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