So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
