Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
