Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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