If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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