So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think i have herpe
just one?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
