Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
