I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Still dying that you shit outside
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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