I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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