Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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