ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
