i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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