my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
