I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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