i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
