A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
