I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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