That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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