Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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