I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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