oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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