Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
