Don't you send me to vm
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
