so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
