I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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